We are not our thoughts…

“When we come to the realisation that we can observe our thoughts, we start to dismiss the ones we don’t wish to give power to and separate who we are from what we think. Once we have mastery over this ability to observe and dismiss our thoughts, we start to take control of our lives and suddenly our thoughts and actions become intentional, not merely a subconscious response. By consciously not giving power to words, thoughts, feelings, or actions which do not positively benefit us, we become free to be who we wish to be” — Phil Hanson

This ability to separate ourselves from our thoughts is not something one learns over night. I have known of this concept for many years, I have been meditating and practicing mindfulness for over 10 years, on and off, and during this time I have read, listened, and watched a lot about this concept.

For the longest time however it has always been a case of easier said than done. Lots of people say things like you are not your thoughts, but how many people go so far as to actually understand what this means? How many people actually learn how to put this into practice, how to become the observer, to view their thoughts almost like images they can swipe away?

I don’t remember what I did to start suddenly being able to dismiss my thoughts. One day I just could. And when you just can do something, you never really remember what it used to be like back when you couldn’t do it. How many of you can remember what it was like before you could ride a bike? See what I mean? It has been life changing though, for the better. Since March of this year when I finally wrapped my head around the practical applications of this, I have grown as a person in so many ways.

Whereas today I am more relaxed, at ease with myself and those around me, before, for decades, I would be consumed by my thoughts, often to the point of anxiety.

I used to write endless emails in the middle of the night, to myself or a loved one, going on and on about lists of things which worried me, or countless what if scenarios and how I would not be able to cope if they came to fruition. I used to spend hours thinking about random conversations from years previous, with someone who said a throw away comment which , for whatever reason, had stuck with me and haunted my thoughts years or in some cases decades later. All these things I gave too much power to, so they controlled me, I did not have any control of them.

Fast forward to today however, and for the past 7 months my life has been vastly different. My mind now feels my own. My thoughts feel my own. I still have thoughts which enter my mind (this is inescapable), some scenarios which play themselves out, and for a second or 2, I get consumed by my anger or frustration at them, or some other irrational feeling. That is until the mindfulness kicks in, I see the thought for what it is, laugh at myself for having been consumed by it for 2 seconds, and mentally swipe it off to the side, like some mental email I am sending to my conscious trash bin!

Top tip: I have found saying “No’ to the thought, sometimes out loud, sometimes by a shake of the head, or thinking “no” in my mind when directed at the thought, has the power to make it disappear. You have to be able to see the thought as separate from you though, for this to work! Another thing I do when someones negative or harmful words are playing round my head, is to say to the thought of those words “ you have no power” and the words simply dissolve away, often never to return (and if they do, I reenforce that they have no power and usually that does the trick!)

There are days now when I go for my morning walk (a new routine I also began in the last 7 months) where I can be walking for say 30 minutes and have barely any thoughts enter my head. Some days from the time I wake up to when my family wake up it can be maybe 1 and a half hours (I’m an early riser), and more than once I have had almost zero thoughts in all that time. Walking mindful meditation is what I call it. Just being. No judgement, no thoughts, no preoccupation with randomness. Just me and full control over my mind. It’s invigorating.

And just in case you’re wondering, I’ve done my own life transformation already, so this isn’t some mid life crisis or mental breakdown either. Close to 7 years ago my wife and I and our 2 children moved from the UK to live in France. We changed careers, set up a whole new life, learnt a bunch about the world, travelled, met new people, learnt languages and started to live life more on our terms. So I talk about these topics above as someone who has been there and bought the proverbial t-shirt!

I am at the start of what feels like the next chapter in my life - my journey training to become a Mindfulness Practitioner and Life Coach. This is the first in what I hope to be a long series of articles on this subject, I hope you will join me for the ride!

Thanks for reading.

Phil